Reflection: not my best writing but it does the job...

God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way. -CS Lewis


It's hard to believe that it was a little over 3 years ago my life changed. I went from the girl who went through the motions to meet the expectations of others to a girl who learned to show actual emotion even if it upset someone. 


It's hard to believe that it was a little over 3 years ago when I handed him back the engagement ring and watched him walk away and out of my life.


It's hard to believe that it was a little over 3 years ago when cried tears of sorrow remembering the 12 that passed away.


It's hard to believe that it was a under 2 years ago when I was in New Zealand and Australia.


It's hard to believe that is was a little over a year ago I watched all my guy friends graduate from IWU.


It's hard to believe that is was a little under 6 months ago when I graduated.


It's hard to believe that in 3 years my life has changed so much. 


It's hard to believe that 4 years ago I would have imagined myself married to my ex, teaching elementary, and living around here for the rest of my life. Now I can't even think about what that would be like. Yea 2008 sucked, but I'm a better person because of it. This time of year I am always reminded of what I had and what I gained because of the loss. 


I am reminded that I serve a God that gives and takes away...and I'm thankful for that.

Purpose

Well here I sit with approx. a ton of homework and I just need to clear my head.

I think I may be being called to the mission field. It isn't a clear "Alecia this is God, go here and serve Me." but it is always this little thing in the back of my mind pushing me forward. I got to the point last week when I didn't care about my homework or school in general. Then this week rolls around and I have to take care of a lot of "hey your graduating soon" things, such as looking at grad schools, taking the major field test, applying for my major. It was in my major interview when Dr. Daugherty asked me what would my future look like...and out of no where I actually heard myself say that I wanted to be a counselor/missionary abroad and it was the first time I had vocalized that idea/concept. I mean I have talked about going back to visit NZ but for me to just say that I wanted to live abroad gave me a joy rush over me. Then I ran into Josh Bowlin at the Missions Fair thing in the Commons (yea it just happens to be missions week) and he talked to me about contacting people with global partners. I'm just scared out of my mind, I know if it is what He wants for me it will work out in His time but just going out of the country was such a push let alone moving abroad....

and that is what is on my mind...

Dazed and Confused

I sit here alone in my room again and this prompts thoughts again. Sunday school today talked a lot of taking the next step, and I think the next step for me is to strengthen my prayer life. It is something I struggle to do because it is something I tend to just to forget about. I think that is the next step in my path of giving God 100%.

hmm remember xanga...

well I am sitting here supposed to be working(yea my office job is awesome but boring and I think way to much to sit down all day that is concluded after working in an office for 4+ years). Ironically my lack of motivation inspired me for once. for example I have always loved to blog and 'back in the day' i had a xanga account then i moved on to myspace and today i made a blogger account. One thing remained consistant i like to blog. I have been working in the same office for 4 years it doesn't matter the project, it doesn't matter where I am sitting, I cannot sit down and focus for 8 hours at a time I like to talk and grow relationships with people more than work. One thing remained constant, I cannot happily work at a place that I sit around all day. Then I started to think about the spiritual side of my life. Though different situations since I have been home from NZ God lead me to the concept that I need to transform the way I think. But as I try to do this I find myself resisting and not trusting 100% in Him which I have always struggled with. Sadly that has remained consistant, but this one isn't a personality trait it is a fault of heart/courage to take that next step.

Every part is you, every part is me,Raise your hands and sing,Tell them we can beShow them who you are, Show them you can see,Raise your hands and sing,Tell them we are free -What do we know by Thousand Foot Krutch